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Newspost

I love the security bots. Seriously. If I could have one of my own...well, I'll tell you just how it would be. I would focus intently on the pipes before me, trying to keep ahead of the copious amounts of blue flowing goo. Won't it be wonderful, I would think to no one, to have a hacked turret of my very own? My newly found little friend would spring to life as I fit the final pipes into place, emitting a series of high-pitched beeps.

"You have come!" he would squeal, buzzing and beeping as he steadies himself in flight. "The one who would hack their way into my heart!" And oh, my little bot, he would cry out, "My love! Let us meander in the park a while, for I so long have dreamt of this day!"

"Oh yes, my little turret!" I would shout with glee, filling a basket with freshly made turkey sandwiches on buttermilk bran and little tins of engine degreaser, and off we would head into a world so familiar and yet so novel now that we had found one another. And oh, what fun we should have, my little turret and I. We would bask in the sun and in each other's newfound camaraderie, we would laugh and dance and sing, and how I would flush with joy as my little turret blew forth glorious holes through the organs of several ex-boyfriends. How our pulses would quicken as we reach for each other in the tall grass in the glory of bloodshed in the afternoon! And oh, the feel of warm metal and blood in the light of the setting sun!

Until next week, my little bots--SHIT, readers! I meant readers. Until next week, my readers.

4/28/2008